Creators, I’ve encouraged you and inspired you to live a full life. One that is unapologetic and authentic. Well, sometimes it’s been at the expense of being completely unreal about my perspectives on certain journeys and experiences. So here is another raw moment.
On Mother‘s day, I was not completely aware of the impact that it had on me. I didn’t realize entirely that I shared myself. I shared that I dealt with miscarriage, but I didn’t get to explain. Well, I lost two children in the womb. And being a leader in the church who was not married, yeah, take a long pause, this isn’t acceptable. So I sat myself down.
Now looking back, I see that my idea of right and wrong came from watching other relationships. I saw that when people are married, life looks better. And somehow, they have it all together, better than me. However, lately, I’ve been doing deep healing around this part of my past.
The biggest question that I came to was, who can I be me with?
You see because leadership requires discipline and responsibility. And to be honest, I lacked that. I wasn’t very disciplined nor responsible for every action that I took.
Now that I’m digging, I wonder how many other people hide the real scars. Like it’s so easy to talk about the stuff on the surface. Like church hurt, rape, drugs, etc. But not really. See, I guess what I’m saying is that my outlet to be free and honest is here.
Right here on this blog, I can write how unreal it is to walk around smiling about my perfect life. And knowing it’s not perfect. Many women and children are looking up to you, and that’s pressure, but the way you move through emotions is what proves that you’re a leader. You are teaching others that as imperfect that you are, you still trust God, and lean on him for the next step. You are fighting with every part of you to be connected and stable.
Leadership isn’t about how many people you can control or about how to look good. But it’s about having integrity, acknowledging when you have fallen, sharing the struggle and the promise, and keeping those who look up to you and follow you encouraged.