There are some people that you meet virtually, and it can feel like you have known them already. Virtual connection in this millennial era has been our only way to meet new people. When I met Diozanae, I slid in her PM on Facebook and asked to buy her dope Buck Behavior shirt. When I saw the shirt, I knew imminently that there had to be a story behind Buck Behavior. I thank God that virtual connections haven't stopped some of us from actually connecting and allowing the Lord to bring us together even through digital means. Enjoy this story and take delight in the loving arms of Jesus.
Meet Diozanae Jordan, a 24-year-old woman with a heart and drive for God. She resides in Denver, Colorado, and works with Alzheimer's and Dementia patients. She is the second oldest of ten children, and currently the minister of music at her church. Owner of a small but expanding business called Buck Behavior, and the visionary behind Survival Mode.
Just like anybody else, I have endured some very hard moments that I wouldn’t say I overcame, but I’m at the epitome of a survivor of sexual abuse. November 7, 2011, at the age of 15 my life drastically changed. I was sexually taken advantage of by a group of boys. Although it came with years of healing, I knew that my time of victory and triumph over this came when I had to confront the very place that changed my life. On August 7, 2020, I went to the exact spot that it happened. Oddly I was able to face it. Most importantly, I was able to tell it. A friendship brought me into the freedom and healing I needed. When I met my best friend, I was able to be open about it. I went back to that location on August 7, 2020. That was the day that I faced it and realized that that location couldn't hold on to me anymore.
During the process of my healing after meeting my best friend. I started attending therapy. My search had been a tragic disaster. I believe some counselors have a hard time understanding the person sitting on the couch. Through many failed attempts, I found someone who could understand me fully. I was dealing with some very tormenting dreams: the dreams brought on resentment, warfare, and even self-torture. I had fears of turning my back toward people because I turned my back once, and my life changed. It didn't matter where I was I could be at church, the movies, it didn't matter. Fear almost always gripped me without my God's love and my best friends listening ear, I wouldn't be able to tell this story.
There are some things that talking to people will not fix. My counselor was someone who didn't know me, which allowed me to heal in peace and alone. As we relate this to God's counseling ways. He knows what we need and what we deserve. He knew who to pair me with. Of course, I didn't know when my freedom from these thoughts or fears would come. But, one afternoon after attending a funeral it opened up a reason to heal. Isn't that like God?! Attend a funeral and receive healing from something you've suffered with for years. The funeral was on the same street that my attack occurred. For years I refused to ever go back. But, this day I was able to face that street. Look at it and take back the girl the enemy thought was dead. The woman who he never wanted me to be rose from what looked like a funeral!
In one season the Lord said to me, "this is not for you to get paybacks." The Lord needed to heal my heart. Afterward, I realized the Lord wanted to heal my heart with tears. Nine years later I'm at the place where I want to heal honestly. I could see myself being able to help others through their healing process. As a woman who is now holding herself for marriage even though this has happened to me. Daily, I have to submit my fears to him. The Lord reminded me that He has a man that's ready for me in time. He didn't want me to remember the purpose but He wanted to repurpose the memory. Many people downplay the young generation saying outrageous things like we haven't gone through anything. But, this is completely untrue we fight in silence.
After overcoming these things I started a business Buck Behavior Apparelthat embodied my life commitment. I’m known to be a worshipper, shutting myself in a room and just worshipping has gotten me through but my dance has put a deposit on the things I’ve prayed for, the things I haven’t even been able to put into words but God knows, and the things manifesting before my eyes as a thank you, God!
The effects of my past caused me to smoke weed, lose relationships, mental and emotional agony, and physical pain. Forgiveness was very hard! But, I have learned many lessons through this process.So, dance through your pain. Sing through your pain. Pray through your doubt. And face your past with God and those who care and love you, but most importantly, trust God.
What encouragement would you give a woman who doesn't know how to show self-love or self-care to herself?
Do something that makes you feel good! But also prove to yourself that you are better than what you think or see. If you believe that you are ugly, look in the mirror a million times until you start to see something different! God made you in His image and likeness.
How do you believe with your story, you can encourage Christian women to pursue all things through Christ?
I am a faithful believer. What is impossible with man is possible with God. I have seen him do things that I did not have the faith to believe that he would do. I started seeing things by what he said and not what I did not see. All it takes is a mustard seed. So, take up your mustard seed!